Lesbians! Calculations! Preppiness! & Sarcasm
by MarsFireSoul2500
Summary: Just a lot of random, intertwining happenings (Not finished)


Michiru flicked her hair back as she stood upon the stage of the old concert hall. As Michiru concluded her pause and resumed palying her violin, Haruka walked in, juggling a lemon in her left hand.  
Michiru: It's so peaceful here.  
She said, as she played one of her infamous pieces from _Sailor Moon S_. Haruka sat down in a seat in the front row of the auditorium.

Hotaru walked down the street carrying a purple balloon.

Michiru: Haruka?  
Haruka looked up. Michiru continued playing her ballad.  
Michiru: Do you like the way I play my violin?

She bobbed up and down, bouncing all around, walking like a retard as she sang.  
Hotaru: I am a boobie, hear me sing! La la la la pizza! La la la la rocks! La la la la Hairballs! La la la la socks!

Haruka: Yes, it's... Wonderful...  
Michiru jerked the violin up and messed up purposly. Haruka twiched.  
Michiru: Do you like it now?  
Haruka sighed, bored.  
Haruka: Yes...  
Michiru: Haruka!  
The butch blonde haired... person caught the lemon and held it firmly in her hand, looking up at Michiru.  
Michiru: You don't care for me!  
Haruka: Why are you sayin' that, Michi?  
Hotaru was standing outside of the concert hall picking her nose, when suddenly, she heard horrible violin playing and loud arguing.  
Hotaru: Hi!  
Michiru: Hello, Hotaru!  
Hotaru: Hi!  
Michiru: Uhh, hello...  
Hotaru: Hi!  
Haruka: Ugh! Will you shut up already!  
She got up and clenched the lemon in her hand as she stood, looking bored.  
Hotaru: Hello, Michiru-san.  
Ignoring the highly repetitive little girl, Michiru hopped off the edge of the stage.  
Michiru: Well, I'll be on my way now. I've been here since six a.m. every morning all week.  
Haruka: Nerd.  
Michiru walked up the isle toward the exit, unknowingly leaving her violin (and Haruka) behind.  
Hotaru: Hello, Haruka-san!  
Haruka grabbed the violin and dashed out of the concert hall after Michiru. Hotaru hung her head and sighed.

Stars title music & title screen  
Sailor Moon Stars  
Lesbians! Calculations! Preppiness!  
& Sarcasm, of Course!

Haruka chased Michiru with the violin. Michiru stomped off down the street, trying to get away from her rude girlfriend. She tried her best to act like she didn't hear Haruka calling her. As she passed by the park, she spotted Usagi sitting on the same old park bench, looking lonely as Hell.  
Usagi: There was pretty little Usagi-chan. Sitting all alone on a bench, feeding the birds with some bag of seeds as she waits for her dear Mamo-chan's arrival, senshing he wouldn't show - As always.  
She sighed and stared at the birds eating.  
Michiru: Click Hello there, buns head. What are you doing here all alone?  
Usagi looked up at the beautiful gay woman.  
Usagi: I'm just sitting here talking to myself...  
Michiru giggled and sat down next to Usagi. Hotaru approached them with a giant grin upon her face.  
Hotaru: Hi!  
Michiru: Hotaru-chan... Hi again.  
Hotaru sat beside Michiru, tying her purple balloon to the bench.  
Hotaru: Hi.  
Michiru sighed and put her hand over her face.  
Michiru: Tis a cruel, cruel God...  
Haruka: You say somethin', Michi?  
Michiru: What, did you all follow me!  
Usagi threw more seeds at the ground, watching the birds run up and pick at the food.  
Michiru: Hey, Usagi-chan, do you think some ice... Cream would cheer you up?  
Usagi perked up and turned to Michiru.  
Michiru: My treat.  
Usagi: Really! Sure! Ice cream always cheers me up!  
Hotaru: Wow, I love ice cream! Wowie!  
Haruka: Michi, don't go spendin' all my money on them!  
Michiru: Well, I only _offered_ it to Usagi-chan. Hotaru-chan just assumed I invited her.  
Haruka: So you're cheating on me then!  
Michiru: If you can do it, so can I!  
Haruka: Ho!  
Michiru: Bitch!  
Haruka: Don't call me a Bitch, you Bitch back!

Usagi slowly went off with them, taking the bag of seeds with her. Behind her, Usagi could hear the birds snickering and plotting. She turned around and saw thousands upon thousands of birds standing there with hungry looks on their faces. Suddenly, the birds flew at Usagi's head, attacking her hair as she cried, running around in circles, yelling and screaming.  
Usagi: AAHHH! BIRDS!  
Hotaru: Usagi-san!  
She yelled, as she saw Usagi being attacked by birds.  
Hotaru: Sailor Pluto gave me this balloon! It is purple! Do you like it, Usagi-san?  
Michiru stopped arguing with Haruka and saw what was going on. She quickly snatched the balloon out of Hotaru's hand and began beating the crazy birds.  
Michiru: DIE! DIE! DIE!  
Hotaru: GIVE ME MY BALLOON!  
She continued to smack the birds furiously.  
Ami: According to my calculations, the birds are after the bag of seeds.  
Everyone turned to Ami and looked at her with a confused expression on their faces. She closed her little computer, than ran away. Usagi tossed the bag of seeds and the birds flocked to it's new location. Usagi stood silently, breathing heavily; her eyes widened and her hair all messed up.  
Usagi: OO  
Haruka: Usagi-chan... What the hell just happened!  
Usagi blinked and sighed, scratching the back of her head as she undid her hair and combed it back with her fingers. She tied her hair back in meatballs. There was a crowd of people staring at her and Usagi waved her fist at them, shouting,  
Usagi: What, you want some of this!  
All of a sudden, Hotaru began coughing uncontrolably.  
Hotaru: I need my medicine!  
Michiru reached into her pocket and pulled out various random pills. She didn't know what was what, so she just handed them all to Hotaru. Hotaru scooped them up from Michiru's hand and swallowed each one.  
Haruka: Those were poison capsules. Now you will die!  
She said, in hopes of scaring Hotaru.  
Hotaru: WHAAT!  
Michiru: Actually, I'm not sure what they were exactaly, so, you might not die. But more than likely, you will.  
Usagi: Michiru-san, you really need to stop hanging around Hotaru-chan. You're starting to talk like her.  
Haruka: Yeah, I know. What's up with that, Michi!  
They all turned to Michiru, waiting for her reply.  
Michiru: It's not my fault! She just follows me all the time!  
She exclaimed, staring at Hotaru.  
Hotaru: Can I have my balloon back?  
Michiru then looked down realized she was holding a deflated balloon in her hand.  
Michiru: Oh, dear...  
Hotaru: WAAAH!  
Haruka: Great. Now I have to listen to this?  
Michiru: No one asked you to follow me! Any of you!  
Hotaru: WAAAAAAH!  
Usagi: Uhh, jeez, you're loud...  
Michiru: Hotaru-chan, calm down! We can get you a new one!  
Haruka crossed her arms.  
Haruka: More of my hard-earned money down the drain...  
Michiru: Haruka, shut up!  
Haruka: She has a father, you know! You don't always have to act like her mom!  
Hotaru: Can you get me a purple one?  
Michiru: No.  
Hotaru: Why?  
Michiru: Because I changed my mind. Haruka's right. And besides, I really don't like you.  
Usagi approached Michiru.  
Usagi: So, are we gonna get that ice cream anytime soon? 'Cuz at the rate we're going at now, I'll be a billion years old by the time we actually get it.  
Haruka: Dumpling doofus is right. Let's go already!  
They all looked over to Hotaru, who was staring at them with a blank expression on her face.  
Michiru: We're done with you. So, if you'll just go away now...  
She said, waving Hotaru away as they walked down the path leading out of the park. As they reached the exit, an ice cream truck drove by, ringing. Usagi's eyes grew bigger than her body and she chased after it as it suddenly sped up.  
Usagi: ICE CREAM!  
Just then, the ice cream truck stopped short and Usagi crashed into the back of it.  
Michiru: What a ditz!  
Usagi peeled herself off of the vehicle and tended to her fresh boo-boos. The driver saw she was detatched from the truck and he drove off, laughing.  
Usagi: God darnit!  
She yelled, waving her fist in the air. Determined to get her ice cream, Usagi resumed chasing after the evil kid-torturing ice cream man. Michiru and Haruka were about to go inside the ice cream shop, when Chibi-usa came over, riding her scooter.  
Chibi-usa: Hi! Look what I found!  
Haruka: Scooters are so gay!  
Chibi-usa: You shouldn't be talking!  
Haruka picked up Chibi-usa and threw her into a convertible which happened to be parked on the curb. Haruka ran over to the driver's side and quickly fixed the wires under the steering wheel, hotwiring the car.  
Haruka: Drive!  
Chibi-usa stared at Haruka, confused.  
Haruka: DRIVE!  
Chibi-usa shrugged her shoulders and stepped on the gas. The car sped down the street and she was gone.  
Michiru: Why did you do that?  
Haruka: Because I felt like it!  
Michiru: Well, whatever. I'm not hungry for ice cream anymore.  
Haruka's face turned red.  
Haruka: I'm so sick of this ice cream shit! That's kid shit! Let's get some beer!  
Michiru agreed and they both went into the bar next door.

As it just so happened, that very day, Rei was feeling a bit shitty, so she decided to drown her sorrows in some alchohol. She walked into the in-town pub, only to find Michiru getting drunk. She walked up to the blue-haired lesbian.  
Rei: Well?   
Michiru: Explain.  
Rei: Can I take advantage of a drunk woman?  
Michiru: I don't see why not... And there's two of us.  
Haruka peeked out from behind Michiru and waved.  
Rei: Didn't see you there, Haruka-san.  
Haruka: Heh heh!  
Rei: I was joking anyway...  
Rei sat down on the bar stool to the left of Michiru.  
Michiru: I know.  
Rei: EWWWW! You did not!  
Michiru chuckled.  
Michiru: Yes I did. Moron...  
Rei: Suuuure. I bet you were waiting for it!  
Haruka pulled out her small Mp3 player and put on her headphones.  
Haruka: Listening to "La Soldier."  
Michiru: YAY! Hello all you cuties and non-cuties! And welcome to one of the largest lala archives on the purdynet! Hehehe!  
Haruka: Hmmm?  
Haruka and Rei stared at Michiru, confused.  
Michiru: Ooh, but wait! Michiru not only has a lot of pretty songs, but a lot of pretty lyrics as well!  
Rei: Ummm?  
Michiru: ...Gee, you know, it's really very yay that Michiru has the privilege of taking care of a purdy section such as this...   
Haruka: Who said that?  
Michiru: ...So Michiru will do her best to act as your cutie guide!  
Rei: Haruka-san, can you please tell her to stop referring to herself in the third person?  
Michiru: Now, because it's easy to get lost and dizzy, make sure you listen to all that Michiru has to tell you. Because if you don't, Michiru will bite the pretties (or non-pretties) off you!  
Everyone in the bar stopped what they were doing and looked at Michiru.  
Michiru: ...Aww, Michiru takes that back, she'd never do anything to hurt a cutie's beautiful pretties. Not in a million years! Ahh, pretties...  
Haruka: Err... Yes...  
Then everyone went back to doing what they had been doing before.  
Michiru: Umm, what was Michiru talking about..? Oh, that's right! Michiru was about to tell you what to do to find the lalas! Okie, there's a yay list of different anime purdies to the right...  
Michiru swung her arm straight to the right and whacked Haruka in the face.  
Michiru: Pick the one you'd like a tune from, clickitty-click it, and that will take you to them! Once there,  
She then swung her other arm to her left and hit Rei in the head.  
Michiru: ...Choose the lala you want and click on the 'GO!' left of the song's title to start the yayloading! Hehehe!  
She spun around on her bar stool and shouted,  
Michiru: There are still over two purdybytes of lalas for you to yayload, so have fun-fun!  
Once again, Everyone stared at her. Rei and Haruka looked at each other, then walked out of the pub, leaving Michiru behind to make a fool of herself. Outside, Haruka and Rei said goodbye. And after, Haruka gave Rei a surprise wedgie, then ran off. Rei fixed herself, then noticed Makoto and Minako walking out of a video store just a little ways away.

Makoto: I just rented '_Moulin Rouge_' with Ewan McGregor!  
She yelled happily, as she hugged the video tightly.  
Minako: EEW!in McGregor?  
Makoto: Stop making fun of him!  
Minako: He is like the ugliest guy in the world! How can you like him, Mako-chan!  
Makoto: And I suppose Paul Walker is hot?  
Minako: OH MY GOD he is!  
She said, defensively. Makoto rolled her eyes.  
Makoto: So, what did you buy?  
Minako pulled out a child-sized plush toy of Chibi Chibi from behind her back.  
Minako: Isn't it like the cutest thing you've ever seen!  
Chibi Chibi blinked.  
Chibi Chibi: Chibi..?  
Minako: AHH!  
She screamed, dropping Chibi Chibi to the ground. She landed on her butt and sat on the concrete sidewalk.  
Makoto: Holy crap, it's the real thing!  
They both stared at her with stupid expressions on their faces.  
Chibi Chibi: Chibi! Chibi!  
The small girl whined. Rei then walked over.  
Rei: Sup, homos!  
Makoto and Minako directed their attentions from Chibi Chibi to Rei, and looked at her in a really weird way.  
Rei: I mean 'homies'!  
Chibi Chibi got up off her butt and pointed at Rei, with her other hand on her hip.  
Chibi Chibi: I'm gonna mess up your room and you're gonna have to clean it up all by yourself!  
Rei: You know what! You don't have to be a little mean person and not answer the phone! I have stuff to do! You go an' wastin' my time! I hate everything you do! Everything! Everything you do!  
Chibi Chibi stood, speechless, as did Minako and Makoto.  
Rei: I have to go home and pray at the fire!  
Then she stormed off. Makoto turned to Minako.  
Makoto: This is all your fault, you know.  
Minako: Mine! Like, how is it my fault!  
She snapped back.  
Makoto: If you just rented a Ewan McGregor movie, none of this would've happened.  
Minako: I would like, NEVER rent a EEW!in McGregor movie! EVER!  
Makoto: That's because you're a bitch!  
Minako: Well, you're a bitchier bitch!

After a while, Chibi Chibi got tired of their bitching and walked away. She walked and walked. Then she walked some more. Chibi Chibi walked until she reached the subarbs and came across Setsuna's house. She knew it was Setsuna's house because Setsuna was taking the garbage out at that very moment.  
Chibi Chibi: Chibi!  
Setsuna didn't see Chibi Chibi and tripped over her.  
Setsuna: Holy Sh-!  
The garbage bag flew from her hands and she went face down on the driveway. Chibi Chibi jumped on Setsuna's back and hopped up and down, crazily. Setsuna picked up her head and tears streamed down her face.  
Setsuna: Bwaa...  
Chibi Chibi: HE HE HE HE HE!  
Just then, Rei's grandpa came out of Setsuna's house and called out to her.  
Grandpa: Baby? Britney Spears is on!  
Setsuna jumped up and Chibi Chibi flew off of her, being thrown into the bushes nearby. She ran inside and slammed the door behind her. Rei's grandpa was still outside.  
Grandpa: Honey? The door's locked.  
He called, pounding on the door. Setsuna could be heard inside.  
Setsuna: Go away! You're time is up!  
Grandpa: But, I could pay you more!  
Setsuna: Your dirty money's no good here!  
Grandpa: But, it was always good before!  
The door swung open and a raging Setsuna grabbed Rei's grandpa by the neck and held him in the air.  
Setsuna: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! I'M TRYING TO WATCH BRITNEY SPEARS!  
She threw him down and went back inside. Chibi Chibi, who was still in the bushes, saw Rei's grandpa lurch away from the house. She freed herself and walked up to the house. Chibi Chibi peered into the front window and saw Setsuna dancing in her living room to Britney Spears' new music video.

Setsuna: You're toxic, I'm slippin' undaa!

Meanwhile, back in front of the video store,  
Minako: Oh my god, Mako-chan! You like the worst movies!  
Makoto: How dare you call '_Rocky Horror Picture Show_' bad! It's classic!  
Minako: '_Bring It On_' is classicer!  
Makoto then jumped on Minako and began beating the crap out of her.  
Minako: Oh my god! Like, get off me, you dyke!  
She managed to get free of Makoto's grasp before any damage could be done and Minako backed away.  
Minako: Like, gimme a 'D'! Gimme a 'Y'! Gimme a 'K'! Gimme a 'E'! What does it like, spell? Mako-chan!  
Just as Makoto was about to attack again, her cell phone rang. It was Chibi-usa.  
Chibi-usa: Yo, wut up wit da bling bling, git. Comin' by in my hott new ride an' I'm pickin' you up.  
Minako: Like, was that one of your girlfriends?  
Makoto: Far from it!  
Minako: Well then, like, who was it then?  
Makoto: Oddly enough, it sounded like Chibi-usa.  
A red convertible barreled down the street and zoomed towards them.  
Minako: Like, AAAHH!  
She yelled, running out of the way. Chibi-usa pulled onto the sidewalk in the stolen car and took off her shades.  
Chibi-usa: Sup, white girrl.  
Makoto blinked, then looked behind her at Minako, who was standing behind a bench.  
Minako: Like, you almost hit me!  
Chibi-usa: Yeah? Whatchoo gon' do 'bout it?  
Minako came out from behind the bench and went into cheerleader pose.  
Minako: Gimme a 'B'! Gimme an 'I'!..  
Chibi-usa: What she be doin' ova derr?  
Makoto: Holy crap, we'll be here all day!  
Makoto jumped in the car.  
Makoto: To the Bat Cave!  
She yelled, pointing straight ahead. Chibi-usa floored it and the car sped off. Minako chased after, calling to them.  
Minako: Like, I wasn't finished yet!

Setsuna: It's gettin' late to give you up! I took a sip from my Devil's cup!  
She dropped down to the floor, then crawled toward the television like a sexy cat. Chibi Chibi stood outside, gazing in at her through the window.  
Chibi Chibi: Chibi?  
She asked herself, looking on, confused. Behind Chibi Chibi, an ice cream truck sped by, Usagi still chasing after it, screaming various curses.

Minako looked around.  
Minako: Like, where did my plush toy go!  
She crossed her arms and stamped her foot.  
Minako: Ugh! I like spent one whole dollar on that thing!  
Ami came running up from out of nowhere and began typing away at her mini computer as she stood at Minako's side.  
Ami: My computer says that you're Chibi Chibi is at Setsuna-san's house!  
Minako raised her eyebrow and pushed Ami away, backing up.  
Minako: Like, get away from me, freak.  
Ami moved back to Minako's side and grabbed her butt.  
Minako: AAHHH! Total dyke alert!  
Ami stared at Minako, drooling all over herself.  
Minako: Like, oh my god, what is your problem!  
Ami: I'm not very pretty and no one likes me! Wanna have sex?  
Minako: COOKIES SHAPED LIKE LIPS!  
Ami typed Minako's answer into her computer.  
Ami: My calculations tell me that the extrication of integers within the radius of a perfect square represent the meaning that the hypothetical theory of lattitude was measured by the six sides of an isocilies triangle, leading to the preception and conception that the conclusion of the thesis was tied to the end of a station wagon going three thousand miles an hour at the speed of light. Therefore saying that it was all in one's mind and not really existing.  
Ami began to shake and make unnatural sizzling noises. Minako's eyes widened and a look of complete horror came across her face. She covered her ears and backed away from Ami.  
Ami: I have proved my theory by simply dividing both sides of Sesame Street leaned towards Manhattan, crossing the Delaware and at the same time, mixing a milkshake!  
Her body spazzed frequently and her head rattled. She turned to Minako, who was pinned against the brick wall by Ami's scary explanation.  
Ami: Give an example of ten french fries! Your work will be collected and screwed! If you have already blinked once today, that means you are not allowed to ANYMORE!  
Suddenly, Ami's head exploded into a billion pieces. Brains and blood flew everywhere. Most landed on Minako.  
Minako: AAAIIIEEEE! Like! Oh my god totally gross-me-out uber nastiness!  
She screamed, waving her hands everywhere and running back inside the video store.  
Blockbuster Guy: Umahumufumum...  
Minako scoffed, rolled her eyes, and walked to the end of the store, hoping to find an exit at the back. Unfortunately, she found out there wasn't. As she was about to go back out the front entrance in hopes that the Ami pieces ceased raining, Hotaru walked in. The creepy Blockbuster employee eyed her up and licked his lips. Hotaru gave weird eyes to him, then went into the Animé video section. Minako passed the Animé isle on her way out and saw Hotaru looking over the _Sailor Moon S_ DVDs. Hotaru jumped at Minako when she noticed her.  
Hotaru: I have a question. Tch.  
She said, standing in Minako's way.  
Minako: Look, I really don't have time to sit and be annoyed by you. I have like, Cheerleader practice soon!  
Hotaru: Oh, it'll only take a second, just a second.  
She said, rocking back and forth, then stood silently.  
Minako: Well, ask me already!  
Hotaru: Oh, you want me to ask you now? Tch.  
Minako rolled her eyes.  
Minako: No, I want you to tell me five minutes ago.  
Hotaru: Tch.  
She looked over the two DVDs she had in her hands. Minako made a face, then tried to walk past her. Once again, Hotaru stepped in front of her.  
Hotaru: Which one am I in? Heart Collection 5 or 6?  
Minako: Like, how should I know!  
Hotaru: Tch. Isn't it true that I'm your age and I go to high school?  
Minako: Like, why are you asking me all of these stupid questions!  
Hotaru: So, I'm in Heart Collection 5? Or 4?  
Minako: O-M-G!  
Hotaru: Oh em gee? Tch. Is that the Heart Collection I'm in?  
Minako was sick and tired of Hotaru's crap, so she slapped her across the face, then picked her up and ran her at the front counter, throwing her at the loser Blockbuster guy. He dived out of the way just as Hotaru crashed behind the desk. She walked toward the exit, but then remembered.  
Minako: Oops! Before I like, go, I like, have to get a new Chibi Chibi plushy.  
She turned around and hurridly went back to the end of the store to find another Chibi Chibi plush doll. She accidentaly wound up in the wrong section and simply could not find the basket filled with Sailor Moon character dolls. But what she did find was that the whole back wall of the video store was filled with fetish pono movies. She didn't know what it was, but she gasped when she saw the pictures on each of the covers.  
Minako: Like, DISGUSTING!  
As she turned to walk out of the isle, she bumped into the creepy dorky Blockbuster guy.  
Minako: Like, watch where you're going, nerd!  
Blockbuster Guy: So, you're into fetish porn?  
Minako: Excuse me!  
Blockbuster Guy: You know, S & M and bondage.  
Minako: What are you talking about!  
Blockbuster Guy: I wouldnt've pegged you to be a horny sex-crazy person. You really don't look like it.  
Minako: Flattery will get you nowhere!  
Blockbuster Guy: Well, just the same, I don't believe you're into all this.  
Minako: Oh yeah? Well, like, what if I am! As a matter of fact, I enjoy playing bondage and doing M & M's!  
Blockbuster Guy: M & M's?  
Minako: That's right!  
She yelled, going over and grabbing a video off of the shelf.  
Minako: Now, like, get outta my way!  
And with that, Minako stormed out of the video store. Just then, Hotaru popped up from behind the counter.  
Hotaru: Does she not like me? She always makes me feel so bad! I think I'll write her a twenty page letter telling her how I feel!

The red vehicle sped down the street. A huge pink 'do blew in the rushing wind.  
Chibi-usa: Yo, what movies you be rentin', dawg?  
Makoto: Umm, I rented two Ewan McGregor movies. '_Moulin Rouge_' and his newest movie, '_I'm An Ugly Fuckin' Idiot_'. It's his autobiography.  
Chibi-usa: '_I'm An Ugly Fuckin' Idiot'_?  
Makoto: Yeah, it's about Ewan McGregor watching paint dry in the nude, while every so often, flashing his willy around and randomly shouting "I'm doin' it for the sisters!"  
Chibi-usa: That be soundin' boring as all hell! Mako-chan, is derr somethin' wrong witchu?  
Makoto: I'm terribly in love with Ewan McGregor!  
She happily said, blushing. Chibi-usa gave Makoto a suspicious face, then went back to driving like a crazy idiot.  
Chibi-usa: I can't see over the wheel.  
Makoto dreamily looked on at her passing surroundings. The car approached a Movie theater and Makoto snapped out of her zone.  
Makoto: SECRET WINDOW!  
She sprang up out of her seat and stood up, pointing at the giant movie billboard.  
Chibi-usa: Shit, Mako-chan, sit the fuck down!  
Makoto: MUST SEE! SECRET WINDOW!  
She suddenly climbed over the door and jumped out of the car while it was still in motion. Without falling, Makoto successfully exited the vehicle without slipping or falling as she jetted toward the cinema building.


End file.
